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We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose  should never be meese
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a  pair be called beet?
 If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of breathren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger,
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted,
but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write
but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham.
Doesn't it seem crazy
that you can make amends
but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds
and ends and get rid
 of all but one of them
what do you call it?
If teachers taught,
why don't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks
who grew up speaking
should be committed to an asylum
for the verbally insane.
In what  other language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
And how can a slim chance
and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
of a language in which your
 house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a formby filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
So if father is pop, how come mother isn't mop?
And that is just the beginning -
even though this is the end.
Everything works out in the end,
If it hasn't worked out,
it's not the end.
(author unknown)







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