Geeze Louise! I said PSSSSSSSSTT!

Hey, you, yeah YOU in front of the monitor! No, no, don’t turn around, you twit! You are the only one in front of me aren’t you?

Oh, oh (hey that annoying sound from icq comes in handy)…oh oh..I have offended you. Boo hoo hoooo!! Gee I am soooo sorry!! It’s just that manners were not programmed into me. Heh heh heh, I do sarcasm really well, don’t I? Ok, let me try this again. Ah, excuse me..excuuuuussse meee please, but would it be alright if I made a suggestion???

Now I know that I can be a little abrasive, heck, maybe even a teeny bit obnoxious, but the twerp behind the keyboard, no no, I don’t mean YOU..for crying out loud! Stay with the program! I am talking about this new..ahem..so called writer, well..he has really taken a lot of time to gather his thoughts and put this down into words and it would be great if you read the entire thing. So I just want to suggest that you give it a chance. You know, give it a look-see, skim through it. I have to admit that there is something to this. I can vouch for this because the twerp, oops, I am so sorry! I really do mean this dear sweet human thing…er..person, yeah, that’s what I mean..PERSON, well he doesn’t seem to POUND so dern hard on my keyboard ever since he became aware of this. There was a period there that I almost ended up in traction. Heck he even dusts me more often now. So, come on, be a dear and read on to the end before forming a negative opinion. Deal? Ahh come on babeee do it for little ole’me. ;>) ;>} heh heh heh!

Ok, ok, ok…now shush!! Shhhhhhh, hey come on…shush!! Here he comes, you don’t know me, never saw me, never heard from me, ok?

I know that a lot of you are not going to like this story. The other night I was lying in bed and was at that stage where I was half way between sleep and being awake. It's like being in the Twilight Zone. Any way these three words came floating up out of the blackness. DUMB, BROKE AND HAPPY. Now when I'm in this "Twilight Zone" is when I get the ideas for a lot of my stories. So I thought this is an idea for another story, I better pay attention. Well as I watched this story unfold I must have slipped off to sleep, because it really got weird. I don't usually write stuff like this but it is something i've just got to get out of my system. So either bear with me or delete it. Whatever.

"Wham"*****

I got in the front seat of Sweetpea's Studebaker with him and then looked in the back seat. There sat tiny and sonny and they each had a Budweiser in their hand. Sonny said, "you want one?' as he held up his beer. "sure."

Well after two hours driving and six beers later sweetpea pulls in at this little adobe building with a big red neon sign out front that says "rosa's canteen." we get out of the car and go inside. The place is jumping. There is a mariachi band and a bunch of Las Vegas showgirls dancing. We find an empty table and sit down.

This Chinese waitress comes over to our table and asked what we want. Tiny pushes his 10 gallon Stetson hat back with his thumb and says, "honey i want you." she swings a hip against his shoulder and says, "i mean to drink, silly." she takes our order and sashays back to the bar to fill it.

Seven eyes follow every sashay of her hips. Only seven because sonny had one of his eyes closed. Smoke from the cigar he was smoking had got in it. Four beers and one cigar later we decide we will go on down the road to the next beer joint. As we are leaving the Chinese waitress says, "don't let that screen door…"

"Wham"*****

We get in Sweetpea's car and start off down the road again. Two hours later tiny says, "pull over sweetpea i need to take a pit stop." so Sweetpea pulls over and we all four get out to water the daisies. Now we're out in the middle of the desert and haven't seen another car for miles.

Well about the time we get the water works turned on up drives this car with a red and blue bubblegum machine on the roof. A deputy sheriff steps out and says you guys are under arrest. We want to know what for. He says "indecent exposure." "get on your nags and follow me to the sheriff's office.

All four of us are sitting in chairs in front of the desk and the deputy is sitting behind the desk. He pulls out a drawer and takes out four arrest forms and a pencil. As he licks the lead on the pencil with his tongue he asks Sweetpea what his name is. Sweetpea tells him and he says, "Spell that."

Sweetpea says, "s w e e t p e e " and the deputy prints it on his form that way. All this time his tongue is sticking out of the corner of his mouth. Then he turns to me and says what is your name. Well my mom-ma taught me to never lie so i tell him "Loren." "say ain't that a girls name?" "I guess" I tell him "it depends on what part of the country your from."

Sonny says "say deputy what kind of six-shooter you got on your hip?" the deputy says, "that's a genuine colt single-action first generation 45 caliber peace maker." "hey, can i see it?" sonny asked. "shore." and he hands sonny his pistol. "man, this is neat, I'll buy it from you?" "can't do that" the deputy says. "i need it for my job." "i'll give you a hundred dollars for it" sonny states. Man that's more then three months pay the deputy thinks. "ok, you got a deal." sonny paid the deputy and we got up to leave. As we walked out the front door the deputy called out don't let that screen door…

"Wham"*****

Now for those of you that have stuck this out to the very end I want to thank you for letting me get this out of my system. I also want to make you a promise. I'll never write a story like this again, so help me

By Loren Moore 2003