EXTRA EXTRA

IF THIS WAS A NEWS PAPER THERE WOULD BE HEAD LINES IN TWO INCH BOLD LETTERS SCREAMING “LIFEBUOY SOAP PHANTOM COMES CLEAN.”  BUT THIS IS NOT A NEWS PAPER SO YOU WILL HAVE TO BE SATISFIED WITH 14 BOLD FONT.

YES THE LIFEBUOY PHANTOM HAS COME CLEAN.

I GOT AN EMAIL ADDRESSED TO LOREN “SHERLOCK” MOORE IN WHICH SHE CONFESSED TO BEING THE ”LIFEBUOY PHANTOM.” 

I HAD SUSPECTED MY NEPHEW RAY OF BEING THE PHANTOM FROM THE VERY BEGINNING AND HAD ACCUSED HIM.  BUT HE TOLD ME IT WASN’T HIM.  KNOWING RAY LIKE I DO, I KNEW HE WOULDN’T LIE TO ME SO I STARTED LOOKING ELSE WHERE.

I HAD UNDERCOVER DETECTIVES ALL THE WAY FROM FLORIDA TO CANADA AND FROM MEXICO TO AUSTRALIA LOOKING FOR THE PHANTOM.

I EVEN HAD A FELLOW PEARL SOUPER VOLUNTEER TO PUT A MESSAGE IN THE DISCUSSION SECTION CONFESSING TO BEING THE PHANTOM IN HOPES THAT SOMEONE WOULD CHALLENGE HER AND REVEAL THEMSELVES  AS THE REAL PHANTOM. 

ALL THIS EFFORT BROUGHT NO RESULTS AT ALL.  I SAT DOWN AND WENT THROUGH ALL MY REASONING AGAIN.  IN MY MIND EVERY THING STILL POINTED TO RAY AS THE PHANTOM BUT THAT COULDN’T BE.

THEN THE LIGHT BULB WENT ON OVER MY HEAD!  THE PHANTOM WASN’T RAY, BUT HIS WIFE FRANCES!!!

I EMAILED RAY AND ASKED HIM WHEN FRANCES WAS GOING TO COME CLEAN.  HE ANSWERED AND SAID SHE WAS IN THE SHOWER AND SHOULD BE CLEAN BY NOW.

IN ABOUT 30 MINUTES I HAD MY ANSWER.  FRANCES EMAILED ME AND CONFESSED TO BEING THE “LIFEBUOY PHANTOM.”

SHE TOLD ME HOW SHE WAS ABLE TO MAIL THE PACKAGES FROM DIFFERENT PLACES AND HOW SHE WAS ABLE TO MAIL SOME OF THEM WITHOUT RETURN ADDRESSES ON THEM.

ALSO SHE WAS THE ONE THAT HAD BOUGHT THE LIFEBUOY SOAP TIN BOX ON EBAY AND HAD RICHARD MAIL IT TO ME FROM NEW HAMPSHIRE.

HER LAST LINE OF THE EMAIL SAID,

“LOREN, I SURE HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS SAGA AS MUCH AS I DID.”

I HAD TO CALL HER AND CONGRATULATE HER ON RUNNING SUCH A SUCCESSFUL CAMPAIGN OF DECEPTION.  SHE SAID SHE HAD ONE MORE BAR OF LIFEBUOY SOAP THAT I COULD HAVE.  I TOLD HER I WOULD TRADE ONE OF MY BOOKS FOR THAT LAST BAR OF SOAP AND SHE AGREED.

ALL I HAVE TO DO NOW IS FIND OUT WHO THE COPYCAT PHANTOMS ARE AND I CAN PUT THIS SAGA TO REST.

BUT THAT WILL BE A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A DIFFERENT TIME.