GREAT PUNS

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.


Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.


Practice safe eating - always use condiments.


Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.


A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.


A hangover is the wrath of grapes.


Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.


Sea captains don't like crew cuts.


Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.


Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.


When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.


A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.


What's the definition of a will?  It's a dead giveaway.


Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.


In democracy your vote counts. 

In feudalism your count votes.


She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg,

but she broke it off.


A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.


If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.


With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.


Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat miner.


When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.


The man who fell into the upholstery machine is fully recovered.


A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum   Blownapart.


You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.


Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.


He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.


Every calendar's days are numbered.


A lot of money is tainted; it taint yours and it taint mine.


A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.


He had a photographic memory that was never developed.


A plateau is a high form of flatter.


The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.


Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.


Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.


Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.


When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.


Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.


Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.


Acupuncture is a jab well done.


The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.