IDIOTS

 Idiot # 1

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today,
this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and
there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of
the conversation happened to mention that she
gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order
to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her
daughter into the Emergency Room right away.
Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride.

Idiot # 2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees
on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one
of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home. When they took it for a
float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter
coming towards! them surprised them. It turned
out that the chopper was homing in on the
emergency locator beacon that activated when
the raft was inflated. They are no longer
employed at Boeing. Here's your sign, guys.

 Idiot # 3
A true story out of San Francisco: A man,
wanting to rob a downtownBank of America,
walked into the branch and wrote "This iz a
stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the
teller, he began to worry that someone had
seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed
the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a
few minutes in line, he handed his note to
the Wells Fargo teller. The teller read the
note and, surmising from his spelling errors
that he wasn't the brightest light in the
harbor, told him that she could not accept
his stickup note because it was written on
a Bank of America deposit slip. He would
either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit
slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking
somewhat defeated, the man said "OK"
and left. He was arrested a few minutes later,
as he was waiting in line back at Bank of
America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign.

Idiot # 4

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an
automated speed trap that measured his
speed using radar and photographed his
car. He later received in the mail: a ticket
for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent the police department
a photograph of $40. Several days later,
he received a letter from the police that
contained another  picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his
$40. Another sign (though this guy might
be onto something worth thinking about)!

Idiot # 5

A Guy walked into a little corner store with
a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the
cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in
a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that
he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well.
The cashier refused and said, "I don't believe
you are over 21." The robber said he was, but
the clerk still refused to give it to him because
he didn't believe him. At this point the robber
took his driver's license out of his wallet and
gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over,
and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The
cashier promptly called the police and gave
the name and address of the robber that he
got off the license. They arrested the robber
two hours later. Remind me to have more
signs printed up. (Give this guy his!)

Idiot # 6

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record
shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one
shouted "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
(This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably
figured it out himself.)

Idiot # 7

Arkansas:
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a
cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the
cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced
back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems
the liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
videotape. (Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign.)

Idiot # 8

Ann Arbor, Michigan. The Ann Arbor News
crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti,Michigan at
12:50 AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food
order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
The man, frustrated, walked away. Are we
out of signs already?

Several recent studies have shown that one in
every four Americans suffers from some form
of mental disorder. Think about that, if three of
your friends seem normal, then you must be
the one."

From Forbes Magazine