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Texas Bob's World

I RECENTLY LOST A DEAR FRIEND.  ONE THAT I HAD KNOWN FOR OVER 40 YEARS.  IT’S HARD TO LOSE A FRIEND OF THAT LONG A STANDING.  I GUESS IT’S HARD TO LOSE ANY FRIEND OF ANY KIND, BUT THIS ONE HIT ME HARD.  HERE ONE DAY AND GONE THE NEXT WITHOUT ANY WARNING.

THE LAST TIME I SAW THIS FRIEND WAS ABOUT 30 DAYS AGO, WHEN I WENT TO THE PIGGLY WIGGLY STORE WHERE I USUALLY SAW HIM.  I WALKED DOWN THE SOAP AISLE INTENDING TO TAKE HIM HOME WITH ME AND HE WASN’T THERE.  I WAS CONFUSED.  HE HAD ALWAYS BEEN THERE.  I LOOKED AGAIN, BUT NO HE WASN’T THERE. 

I RAN BACK UP THE AISLE TO THE MANAGERS OFFICE AND BURST IN WITHOUT KNOCKING.  THE MANAGER LOOKED UP FROM HIS DESK WITH A STARTLED LOOK ON HIS FACE AND SAID, “YES, CAN I HELP YOU?”  “OK, WHERE IS HE?  WHERE ARE YOU HIDING HIM?” I SAID.  HE LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WASN’T MAKING GOOD SENSE. 

AFTER I GOT OVER MY INITIAL SHOCK I CALMED DOWN ENOUGH TO TELL HIM WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.  “I JUST WALKED DOWN YOUR SOAP AISLE TO GET MY OLD FRIEND, A BAR OF LIFE BUOY SOAP AND I CAN’T FIND ANY.”  “OH,” HE SAYS, “THEY DON’T MAKE LIFE BUOY SOAP ANYMORE.”

“WHO DON’T MAKE LIFE BUOY SOAP ANY MORE AND WHY?’ I ASKED.  “THE COMPANY THAT MADE LIFE BUOY SAID THEY WEREN’T SELLING ENOUGH TO CONTINUE MAKING IT.  I’VE GOT A TELEPHONE NUMBER FOR THEM AND YOU CAN CALL THEM YOURSELF IF YOU WANT TO.” 

I CALLED THEM AND ASKED WHY THEY HAD STOPPED MAKING MY FRIEND.  THE LADY I TALKED TO SAID SHE DIDN’T KNOW WHY, BUT MAYBE I WOULD LIKE TO TRY LEVER 2000.  SHE WOULD SEND ME A COUPON FOR A FREE BAR.

I DON’T USUALLY TALK TO LADIES LIKE THAT BUT I TOLD HER WHAT SHE COULD DO WITH HER COUPON.  COME TO THINK ABOUT IT I DON’T USUALLY TALK TO ANYONE LIKE THAT, BUT I WAS SO UPSET ABOUT LOOSING MY LIFE LONG FRIEND, I REALLY DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WAS SAYING.

I SAT AT MY DESK CRYING, THINKING HERE I’VE LOST MY FRIEND AND I DIDN’T EVEN GO TO HIS FUNERAL.  I KNEW I HAD TO GET A HOLD OF MYSELF, BUT IT WAS A REAL BLOW.  WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW?  I HAD NO CLUE AS TO WHAT TO REPLACE MY FRIEND WITH.  SO I WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE AND DOWN THE SOAP AISLE. 

I LOOKED AT THE NAMES OF THE BARS OF SOAP AS I PASSED, BUT I HAD NO IDEA OF WHAT I WANTED.  SO I PICKED UP A BAR OF DIAL SOAP AND DECIDED TO GIVE IT A TRY.  THE NEXT MORNING WHEN I TOOK MY SHOWER I LATHERED UP WITH THE DIAL.  IT MADE A LOT OF SOAP SUDS BUT IT HAD A SMELL TO IT I DIDN’T LIKE, SO WHEN I FINISHED MY SHOWER I THREW THE BAR OF DIAL IN THE TRASH.

I WENT BACK TO THE STORE AND LOOKED AT THE ASSORTMENT OF SOAP AGAIN.  THIS TIME I BOUGHT A BAR OF IVORY SOAP.  THE NEXT MORNING WHEN I WAS GETTING READY FOR MY SHOWER, I UNWRAPPED THE BAR OF IVORY SOAP AND SAW THAT IT WAS PURE WHITE.  WELL, I THOUGHT MAYBE I CAN USE THIS ONE. 

AFTER MY SHOWER I THREW THE BAR OF IVORY IN THE TRASH.  I DIDN’T LIKE IT EITHER.  I WONDERED IF I WOULD EVER FIND ANOTHER BAR OF SOAP I COULD CALL MY FRIEND.  WELL, IT WAS BACK TO THE STORE AND BACK DOWN THE SOAP AISLE.  THIS TIME I BOUGHT ONE BAR OF EVERY BATH SOAP THEY HAD ON THE SHELVES.   EXCEPT THE TWO I HAD ALREADY TRIED.

NOW EACH MORNING I UNWRAP ANOTHER BAR OF SOAP AND GIVE IT A TRY.  ITS BEEN TWO WEEKS NOW AND I STILL HAVE EIGHT BARS OF SOAP TO GO BEFORE I TRY THEM ALL.  SO FAR I HAVEN’T FOUND ONE THAT WILL TAKE THE PLACE OF MY FRIEND, BUT I’M STILL LOOKING. 

NOW WHAT I FINALLY DID IS A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A DIFFERENT TIME.