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LOVE IS
ALL THERE IS
Where
There is “Life”
There is Hope.
Hello, I am
Allie’s mom
Paula, I was
asked if I would
like to share
some of the
trials and
triumphs of
parenting one of
Gods special
Teachers.
First of
all to Allie, I
love you and
thank God for
sending you to
be that Teacher
for me and the
many others you
have touched
with your love.
The most
important lesson
that you have
taught me is,
LOVE IS ALL
THERE IS we all
must learn to
see with our
hearts what our
eyes cannot.
The
lessons Allie
and others like
her come to
teach us, is not
as much about
them as the
lessons are
about ourselves
and our
abilities to
learn love and
human
compassion. When
people you meet
discover that
you are the
parent of one of
Gods children
who need all
that you have to
give. The two
most familiar
statements I
hear is; “I
could never do
what you do. You
are so
extraordinary.”
After
thirty one years
my answer is
always the same.
I don’t see my
self as
extraordinary, I
am a mom and I
think we never
know what we CAN
do or WILL do
until we are
faced with the
hand we are
dealt. We rarely
see Gods wisdom
on the front end
of what we
perceive as a
tragic event. In
given time his
wisdom and
beauty in all
things will be
revealed. For
me, I chose to
stay the course
and I am blessed
to be a witness
to many of Gods
wonders and many
miracles thrown
in. I will
attempt to share
some of them
with you here.
Allie
was born in 1972
with no warning
that she would
be anything
other than a
healthy baby.
After more than
24 hours of
difficult labor,
she presented as
purple as an egg
plant with no
first cry or any
reflexes. After
several attempts
to get a cry
from her, I
heard the doctor
say; “wrap her
up she is
getting cold” My
once jolly OBGYN
would not meet
my eyes. The
pediatrician
came to visit
me, and said
there were some
feeding problems
and would like
her to stay in
the hospital for
10 days; he said
nothing about
any other
problems. I was
not allowed to
hold her the
three days in
the hospital,
they would just
reel her in to
see me in a
“warmer”. They
sent me home in
three days and
kept Allie seven
more.
Allie
had an anxious
three year old
sister at home
that could not
understand where
her new baby
sister was, and
neither could I
The day I went
to get her, I
saw stamped all
over her chart,
“HIGH RISK BABY”
I ask the nurse
what does this
mean?. She told
me Allie almost
stopped
breathing
several times.
The nurse
hurriedly helped
me get her ready
to go home. I
had so many
questions!
Every
one seemed much
in a hurry to
get us
discharged. I
was given
instructions to
feed her two
ounces every two
hours. Problem
was, no one told
me she could not
suck, there was
no gag operating
and she had zero
reflexes. I was
given a baby
that was
presented as a
“Rag Doll” with
a live heart
beating inside
her. I began the
seemingly
insurmountable
task of trying
to feed this Rag
Doll…In a panic
to follow
instructions and
with no
cooperation from
Allie; I would
sit and squeeze
the bottle
nipple with my
thumb and four
fingers. At this
rate, by the
time the two
ounces were in
the two hours
was up and it
was time to
start all over
again.
I lived
in a constant
state of
exhaustion,
anxiety and
fear. There was
never a cry from
her; I would
have to wait
almost two years
for this sound.
I would hold her
close and say,!
You never cry,
you never open
your eyes, you
rarely need a
diaper, and “Who
are you Allie?
Soon
after birth, I
would deal with
upper repertory
infections, most
of them life
threatening.
Life and death
seemed back and
forth. Packed in
Ice with oxygen
over her I
prayed to the
God I didn’t
know. This mom
had been a
constantly
abandoned street
wise kid who had
experienced
foster care as
well. God and I
had never been
introduced.
Funny how even
without an
introduction we
know to call
upon him. One of
the many lessons
I would learn
was I was not
here with out
his knowledge. I
only thought I
was.
There
was little help
in those days,
such as early
intervention for
“Fail to Thrive
Babies. I was on
my own. I
couldn’t get a
doctor to give
me a referral to
find out “what
kind of baby is
this” until she
was eight months
old. All those
eight months I
read everything
I could get from
the library, sat
up nights with
medical journals
I couldn’t even
understand,
piled high
around me, I
would rock Allie
on my shoulder
and talk to this
silent doll,
trying to read
at the same
time. Yea right,
like I was going
to find some
kind of answer
to make all
these problems
go away. Not so.
Allie
was eight months
old when we
spent eleven
days in a
diagnostic
hospital.
Several
specialists
examined Allie,
but left the
lady
Psychologist of
the hospital to
give me the bad
news. She looked
at me and said,
“Your baby is
never going to
be more than a
crib case, will
never walk, talk
or feed her
self. You need
to place this
baby in an
institution and
go on with! your
life.” This baby
is apparently
blind, deaf and
will be severely
mentally
retarded.” I
fought back the
tears with the
lump in my
throat so big, I
couldn’t catch
my breath. I hid
in the bathroom
until I heard no
noise in the
hallway; I
couldn’t trust
my own emotions
at that moment
to look at any
one. I took my
“rag doll” and
went home and
began the
grieving process
just as most
parents do at
this stage of
their
experience. Then
I Got good and
mad, found my
Orphan Annie
attitude, and
proceeded to
prove them all
wrong. This baby
would live this
baby would never
go to an
Institution.
When I
kicked in to
this mode, all
the strange and
wonderful
miracles came
forward to help
me. I have come
to think this
way about it,
.When I said no
to sure death
for Allie and
said yes to life
for her, God
sent all the
help I would
need and a
legion of
Angel’s
whispering in my
ear to help me
find the
strength,
courage and
resources that
Allie would
need. God and I
have had many
one sided
conversations
and arguments
over these
thirty one
years. However,
He is always
correct and
wins. I am
constantly
questioning him
and his wisdom
that he thinks I
can do this job.
There
are times I wish
the lady
psychologist
could see Allie
today, along
with all the
doctors that
kept giving me
small increments
of life
extensions for
her, they had me
saying goodbye
to her more than
I said hello. I
learned that the
creator of us
all is the
keeper of our
clock...
Where
are we today?
Allie walks,
runs, rides a
bicycle, uses
sign language,
feeds her self,
toilets, and has
a wonderful
sense of humor,
she dances as if
no one is
watching and
lives for and
enjoys each
moment at a time
and is a totally
perfected
creation, she
demonstrates all
the virtues the
rest of us can
only pray for. I
wish I had the
room to fill in
all the
incurable events
in detail here,
but, this is a
newsletter and
not a book. But
I am working on
one, with the
hope of helping
parents as well
as public
awareness of
these wonderful
special
achievers like
Allie.
I have
this visual in
my mind; Some
where in Gods
heaven there is
an Angel
receptionist,
RING! RING!
Angel says,
“it’s her again
Sir, you want me
to put her
through? she has
called so many
times over the
last thirty
years”
God
says, “ go
ahead…I already
know what she
wants, she is
still wanting
only the best
for Allie.”
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BY . . .
PAULA . .
ALLIE'S .
.MOTHER
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