LEARNING COMPUTER

      NOW I KNOW I’M SUPPOSE TO DO MORE WITH MY COMPUTER THEN PLAY SOLITAIRE SO THE NEXT MORNING  AFTER I GOT IT RIGHT AFTER BREAKFAST I TURN THE DARN THING BACK ON.  AFTER THAT FLAG DANCES AND THE MUSIC PLAYS, UP COMES MY DESK TOP.  I DECIDE TO REALLY BE ADVENTUROUS TODAY SO I CLICK CLICK ON MY DOCUMENTS.  UP COMES A WINDOW THAT SAYS MY DOCUMENTS ON THE LEFT SIDE  AND THE REST OF THE WINDOW IS EMPTY.  WELL THAT’S REASONABLE, I THINK BECAUSE I HAVEN’T GIVEN THE COMPUTER ANY OF MY DOCUMENTS.  BUT HOW DO I DO THAT?  WELL UP AT THE TOP OF THIS WINDOW IS A LINE OF WORDS.  SO I CLICK ON FILE AND HERE’S ONE OF THOSE LIST.  I CLICK ON NEW IN THIS LIST AND I GET ANOTHER LIST.  I CLICK ON MICROSOFT WORD DOCUMENT THINKING MAYBE BILL GATES HAS PUT A DOCUMENT IN MY COMPUTER.  NO SUCH LUCK, ALL I GET IS A WINDOW THAT SAYS MICROSOFT WORD DOCUMENT 1 AND A BLANK SCREEN.

    THIS LITTLE LINE IS FLASHING OFF AND ON LIKE IT WANTS ME TO DO SOMETHING.  SO I TYPE HELLO, WHAT DO YOU WANT?  THE STUPID THING JUST SITS THERE AND WON’T ANSWER ME,  AND I THOUGHT COMPUTERS WERE SUPPOSE TO BE SO SMART.  AFTER WAITING ABOUT FIVE MINUTES FOR AN ANSWER I GET BORED AND GO WANDERING OFF LOOKING FOR A GAME OF SOLITAIRE.  I GET LOST IN THE WINDOWS AND LISTS AND NEVER DO FIND THAT DECK OF CARDS.

    I DO FIND MY WAY BACK TO MY DESK TOP SO I CLICK CLICK ON PAPER PORT AND UP POPS A WINDOW TITLED VISIONEER PAPER PORT AND IT HAS WHAT ELSE, A LIST.  ON THIS LIST I SEE PHOTOGRAPHS.  I’M COURIOUS TO SEE PHOTOGRAPHS OF WHAT.  MAYBE NAKED  WOMEN! SO I CLICK ON PHOTOGRAPHS.  NOTHING HAPPENS EXCEPT PHOTOGRAPHS TURNS BLUE.  MAYBE IT’S HOLDING ITS BREATH WAITING FOR THOSE PICTURES OF THE NAKED WOMEN.  AFTER AWHILE I SEE THAT NEITHER ME  NOR MY COMPUTER IS GOING TO SEE ANY PHOTOGRAPHS SO I GO LOOKING FOR THAT DECK OF CARDS AGAIN.

    THE NEXT DAY I’M DETERMINED TO DO SOMETHING WITH MY COMPUTER.  I’VE GOT A SCANNER AND A PRINTER WITH IT SO I DECIDE I’M GOING TO LEARN HOW TO USE THEM.  I TEAR THE COVER OFF THE J, C, PENNY’S SALE CATALOG THAT EXPIRED LAST MONTH AND PUT IT IN THE SCANNER.  I NOTICE THE NAME ON THE SCANNER LID FOR THE FIRST TIME.  IT SAYS PAPER PORT SO I CLICK CLICK ON PAPER PORT ON MY DESK TOP.  UP COMES THIS LIST. BUT I DON’T SEE ANYTHING ABOUT CATALOG COVERS.  THEN I SEE THIS LITTLE PICTURE OF MY SCANNER UP AT THE TOP OF THE SCREEN.  SO I CLICK ON THIS PICTURE AND UP JUMPS A WINDOW WITH A BUNCH OF INSTRUCTIONS ON IT AND AT THE BOTTOM ARE FOUR LITTLE BOXES.  ONE OF THEM SAYS SCAN SO I CLICK ON IT. HEY!  SOMETHING IS HAPPENING.  THE SCANNER IS SCANNING.  NOW THAT’S REAL PROGRESS.  I’VE COME FROM SOLITAIRE TO SCANNING SOMETHING.

    THE NEXT THING TO DO IS TO LEARN WHAT TO DO WITH WHAT I’VE SCANNED.  I HAVE THIS THING CALLED “TEXT BRIDGE PRO 98” ON MY DESK TOP. I CLICK ON IT AND I GET ANOTHER WINDOW.  THIS WINDOW IS TITLED TEXTBRIDGE AND HAS A SUB WINDOW THAT HAS SEVERAL CHOICES IN IT, LIKE “ANY PAGE”, “DUAL PAGE”, “LEGAL DOCUMENTS”, AND ETC.  BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE A CHOICE FOR CATALOG COVERS.  WELL I CLICK ON “ANY PAGE” HOPING THAT WILL COVER CATALOG COVERS.  I SEE THAT TEXTBRIDGE IS NOT SATISFIED WITH MY SCAN.  IT WANTS ONE OF ITS OWN.  SO I CLICK ON “OK” AND UP COMES MY SCANNER WINDOW. I THINK, I’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE. SO I SCAN THE CATALOG COVER AGAIN.

NOW I’M SUPPOSE TO DO SOMETHING WITH IT.  I CLICK ON FILE AND SEE “SAVE AS” ON THE LIST THAT JUMPED UP.  I CLICK ON THAT AND SEE MY DOCUMENTS. I CLICK ON THAT AND I HAVE SAVED MY PICTURE OF THE J. C. PENNY’S SALE CATALOG COVER.  NOW WHAT DO I DO WITH IT?  I’VE GOT A PRINTER SO I PRINT A COPY OF MY PICTURE OF THE J. C. PENNY’S SALE CATALOG  COVER.  THE PRINTER MUST BE PROUD OF IT’S SELF BECAUSE WHEN IT’S THROUGH PRINTING IT PLAYS A LITTLE TUNE AND DOES A JIG.

    HEY!  THAT’S KIND OF CUTE.  SO I CLICK ON THE PRINTER AGAIN.  THAT’S NICE, I THINK.  SO I CALL MY WIFE IN AND CLICK ON PRINTER AGAIN SO SHE CAN HEAR THE LITTLE TUNE IT PLAYS WHEN IT’S THROUGH PRINTING. SHE SAYS DO THAT AGAIN.  SO I CLICK ON PRINTER AGAIN. AFTER AWHILE SHE GETS TIRED OF LISTENING TO THE SAME TUNE EACH TIME AND GOES BACK TO WHATEVER SHE WAS DOING BEFORE I CALLED HER.  AS SHE WAS LEAVING SHE TELLS ME GOD PUT HER ON THIS EARTH TO ACCOMPLISH A CERTAIN NUMBER OF THINGS. RIGHT NOW SHE IS SO FAR BEHIND, SHE WILL NEVER DIE.

    THIS HAS BEEN A BETTER DAY ON THE COMPUTER.  I MAY LEARN TO USE IT YET.  BY THE WAY DOES ANYONE HAVE A SUGGESTION OF WHAT I CAN DO WITH 23 COPIES OF LAST MONTHS J. C. PENNY’S SALE CATALOG COVER?

    OLD McDONALD HAD A FARM  EE-I EE-I O.  AND ON THIS FARM HE HAD A COMPUTER EE-I EE-I O.  WITH A CLICK CLICK HERE AND A CLICK CLICK THERE AND A HERE CLICK, THERE CLICK, EVERYWHERE CLICK CLICK.  OLD McDONALD HAD A FARM EE-I EE-I O.

    THIS COMPUTER IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!