Well, when I was a kid I'd take a trip
Every summer, down to Mississip'
To visit my Granny and her antebellum world
I'd run barefooted all day long
Climbin' trees, free as a song
One day I happened to catch myself a squirrel

Well I stuffed him down in an old shoe box
And punched a couple holes in the top
When Sunday came, I snuck him into church
I's sittin' way back in the very last pew
Showin' him to my good buddy Hugh
When that squirrel got loose
and went totally berserk

Well, what happened next is hard to tell
Some thought it was Heaven,
others thought it was Hell
But the fact that somethin'
was among us was plain to see
As the choir sang "I surrender all"
The squirrel run up Harv Newman's coveralls
Harv leaped to his feet and said
"Somethin's got ahold of me! Yow!"

The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In that sleepy little town
of Pascagoula, Mississippi
It was a fight for survival
That broke out in revival
They were jumpin' pews and
shoutin' Halelujah, Halelujah

Well, Harv hit the aisles
dancin' and screamin'
Some thought he had religion,
others thought he had a demon
And Harv thought he had a
Weed Eater loose in his Fruit of the Looms
He fell to his knees to plead and beg
And the squirrel ran out of his britches' leg
Unobserved, to the other side of the room

All the way down to the Amen Pew
Where sat sister Bertha Better-Than-You
Who'd been watching all the
commotion with sadistic glee
But you shoulda seen the look in her eyes
When that squirrel jumped her
garters and crossed her thighs
And she jumped to her feet and said
"Lord, have mercy on me!"

As the squirrel made laps inside her dress
She began to cry and then to confess
To sins that would make a sailor blush with shame
She told of gossip and church dissention
But the thing that got the most attention
Was when she talked about her
love life, and then she started naming  names

Well, seven deacons and the Pastor got saved
And twenty five thousand dollars got raised
And fifty volunteered for
missions in the Congo on the spot
And even without an invitation
There were at least five hundred rededications
And we all got rebaptized, whether we needed it or not

Now you've heard the Bible story, I guess
How He parted the waters for Moses to pass
O, the miracles God has wrought in this old world
But the one I'll remember 'til my dying day
Is how He put that church back on the narrow way
With a half-crazed Mississippi squirrel