They lived on opposite sides of
the river,
and they hated each other.
Every morning, just after
sun-up,
Rufus and Clarence would go down to
their respective sides of the river
and yell at each other.
"Rufus!!" Clarence
would shout.
"You better thank yor lucky
stars I cain't swim....
er I'd swim this river and whup
your butt!!"
"Clarence!!!" Rufus
would holler back.
"You better thank YOUR lucky
stars that I cain't swim...
er I'd swim this river and whup
your skinny butt!!!"
This happened every
morning for twenty years.
One day the Army Corps of
Engineers
comes along and build a bridge.
Still, every morning, every day
for another five years this yelling
across the river goes on, even with
the bridge.
Finally....Mrs.Rufus had
had enough.
"Rufus!" she squallers one
day.
"I cain't take no more!!
Ever day for 25 years
you've been threatenin' to whup
Clarence.
Well, there's the bridge......have
at it."
Rufus thought for a
moment.
Chewed his bottom lip for another
moment.
"Woman!" he declared, snapping
his suspenders into place,
"I'm gonna across that thar
bridge and
I'm gonna whup Clarence's
butt!!!"
He walked out the door,
down to the river,
along the riverbank, came to the
bridge,
stepped up onto the bridge,
walked about halfway over the
bridge,
looked up.....
TURNED TAIL AND RAN SCREAMING
BACK TO THE HOUSE,
SLAMMED THE DOOR,
BOLTED THE WINDOWS,
GRABBED THE SHOTGUN
AND DOVE, PANTING AND GASPING,
UNDER THE BED!!!!!
"Rufus!" cried the
misses.
"I thought you wuz gonna whup
Clarence's butt!!!"
"I was, woman, I was!!"
he whispered.
"Rufus!" cried the
misses.
"What in tarnation is the matter?"
"Well," muttered the
terror-stricken Rufus,
" I went to the bridge......
I stepped up on the bridge.....
walked halfway over the bridge....
looked up....."
"And?" asked Mrs.
Rufus,
breathless with suspense.
"And," continued Rufus,
"I saw a sign that said
"Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches"
he
ain't never looked that big
from the other side of the
river!!!!!!!"
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