always hear 'The Rules' from the female side. Now here
are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it
up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with
1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons
guys fear getting married is that married women always
cut their hair.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates, mark birthdays and
anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which
pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done. Not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like 'Microsoft
Windows' default settings. Peach, for example, is a
fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our
lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing', we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine - Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the
latest processor speed Intel has developed, ideology,
and of course money.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. No, NO, you really do have too many shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take
the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. I AM in shape. ROUND IS a shape.
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to
sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really
don't mind that, it's like camping.
Please note these are all numbered NO. '1' ON PURPOSE!