Ten
burly bikies walked into a pub,
Where there was a
lone drinker, and this is the rub;
They ordered their
drinks, and told him to shout,
But he told them to
"BUG Off", as he headed out.
So
they belted him up, before he reached the door,
And remarked to the
barman that his fighting was poor;
"And his driving is
poor", the barman replied,
"He's just run over
10 Harleys sitting outside".
Sadly,
the Irishman's old dog had died,
And the poor old
fellow just cried and cried;
"Would you bury me
dog?" he asked his best mate,
"For the poor old
feller has met his fate."
His
mate grabbed a spade and went into the yard,
And he dug for ages,
the ground was so hard;
When the old fellow
went, the progress to see,
His best mate had
dug, not one hole, but three.
"And
why did you dig three holes me old son?'
"Sure you only needed
to dig just one";
And his mate replied,
in a voice rather gruff,
"Cause the first two
holes weren't deep enough".
What
is that swinging through the trees?
Why it's a monkey.
Bravely swinging up
so high,
It's a spunky monkey,
Admired and adored by
all the girls,
It's a hunky spunky
monkey,
Feeding on drugged
fruit, berries and leaves,
It's a junky, hunky,
spunky monkey,
With fur all matted
from the sap from the trees,
It's a gunky, junky,
hunky, spunky monkey.
My
wife loves turtle doves,
She likes them on the
wing;
She feeds them every
day,
So she can hear them
sing.
The
girl across the road,
Thinks they are
uncouth;
They sit upon her
ridge caps,
And do their business
on her roof.
Marriage is a wondrous thing,
It makes two people
one;
It means you don't
have to look very far,
When you want a
little fun.
Marriage is a busy time,
You work so very
hard;
From slaving in the
kitchen,
To raking up the
yard.
Marriage is a serious thing,
A commitment made for
life;
It means that you
have told the world,
That you love her
best...'The Wife'.
There
was once a Russian woman
Rough and ugly as
they came;
Who used to walk
round naked,
For she had no sense
of shame.
She
was so very ugly,
She would stand out
in the road;
And the children
would all stone her,
For they thought she
was a toad.
She
didn't have much money,
For she didn't need a
lot;
And she used to
frighten ghosts,
For the little bit
she got.
She
used to chase the children,
And it really was a
shame;
For they knew not
what to call her,
Fresia Wotsisoff was
her name.
BY THE OLD TIMER