HE REACHED AND TOOK HER ARM.  HE PULLED HER CLOSE TO HIM AND HUGGED HER VOLUPTUOUS BODY TO HIS.  HIS WARM MOIST LIPS MEET HERS IN A FIERY PASSIONATE KISS.  HIS HAND SLID UP HER BACK AND UNFASTENED THE CLASP ON HER TWO PIECE BIKINI BATHING SUIT TOP, THEY SANK TO THE DECK OF HIS YACHT AND ….. NO IT IS NOT THAT KIND OF STORY.  I JUST WANTED TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.  NOW THAT I HAVE IT, I’LL GET ON WITH MY STORY.

I SAW WOODY WOODPECKER TODAY.  NOT THE CARTOON CHARACTER, BUT THE REAL WOODPECKER THAT WAS A MODEL FOR THAT CARTOON CHARACTER.  THE SCIENCE PEOPLE CALL IT A PILEATED WOODPECKER.  THEY SAY HE’S ON THE ENDANGERED SPECIES LIST.

WELL, DON’T YOU BELIEVE IT.  HE AND ALL HIS FAMILY AND RELATIVES ARE HANGING OUT AT CADDO LAKE.  IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME JUST ASK ANYONE THAT GOES TO CADDO.  WE SEE HIM ALL THE TIME.  HE LIVES IN AN OLD DEAD CYPRESS TREE THERE IN THE LAKE.

I DON’T KNOW WHERE THE CARTOON PEOPLE GOT THAT CRAZY SOUND THE CARTOON WOODY MAKES, BUT THE REAL WOODY DOESN’T SOUND ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

JOHNNIE IS AN AVID BIRD WATCHER AND WHEN WE ARE OUT IN MY BOAT FISHING, HALF THE TIME SHE’S LOOKING FOR BIRDS.  ONE MORNING WHEN WE WERE ON THE LAKE JUST AT SUN RISE, WE WERE FISHING ALONG THE EDGE OF BIG GREEN BRAKES AND CATCHING A BASS NOW AND THEN WHEN WE HEARD THE RAT-A-TAT-TAT OF WOODY PECKING AWAY AT A CYPRESS TREE.  JOHNNIE MADE ME STOP FISHING AND GO HUNT FOR WOODY. 

WE WORKED OUR WAY UP THROUGH SOME CYPRESS TREES AND SURE ENOUGH THERE HE WAS.  PECKING AWAY AT A DEAD CYPRESS STUMP.  I GUESS HE WAS LOOKING FOR A NICE JUICY BUG FOR BREAKFAST.  ABOUT THAT TIME HERE COMES ONE OF HIS KINFOLK AND LIT ON THE SAME STUMP.

NOW IT MUST HAVE BEEN A BROTHER-IN-LAW BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T GET ALONG.  WOODY FLEW AT THE OTHER WOODPECKER AND CHASED HIM OFF HIS STUMP.  WELL WE SAT THERE AND WATCHED WOODY FOR AN HOUR OR MORE.  FINALLY I TOLD JOHNNIE I WAS HUNGRY AND WE WERE GOING BACK TO CAMP AND EAT BREAKFAST.  BUT I WANTED SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR BREAKFAST THEN WHAT WOODY WAS HAVING.  SHE LAUGHED AND ASK, “WHAT’S THE MATTER, DON’T YOU LIKE BIG FAT JUICY BUGS?”

WELL IF YOU WILL COME DOWN TO TUCKER’S CAMP ON CADDO LAKE I’LL SHOW YOU A WHOLE BUNCH OF THOSE ENDANGERED BIRDS.  JUST ASK FOR THE WEENIE MAN, EVERY ONE KNOWS ME.  WHAT, “WEENIE MAN?”  WELL THAT’S A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A DIFFERENT TIME.